For most of my life, I’ve fought depression and anxiety. I’m of a certain age where I’m just tired of the energy that I lose on such trivial items. I chose to call them trivial as they aren’t life-altering things that will throw my world into a tailspin. I learned from my old mentor that everything is manageable if it doesn’t do three things, and even those can be sorted out. If the issue can’t have you committed, incarcerated, or killed, then you need to analyze it until it can be solved.
Yes, easier said than done but I’m trying. Once I realize that I’m letting something get to me, I take a breath and dig in to see why I feel that way. Most of the time it’s me being under a lot of stress or too tired to process what I have going on that day. Being over booked with my year of growing, I realize the problem is a good one to have.
A co-worker asked me if I had any boundaries in my crazy existence. I do. Really. I may have to use binoculars to gaze upon it but it’s out there. That boundary shows that I can only accept a few more invites, and have a miniscule amount of time to concentrate on any writing. Knowing that I will be out of clinicals this time next year, with graduation following in December, I see a glorious finish line.
In the meantime, I need to look at my reasons for wanting to rant on social media about the need for my nerves to scream like a bloody banshee. As I type this, I’m bothered that a former friend is still mentally jabbing my success and that a teacher is finding fault with every little thing that I try to do in my lab class. I understand both have their own agenda and at least the teacher is someone wanting me to succeed. But it’s being delivered on nerves that feel like a tightrope over a three-ring circus.
I see that I’m exhausted, but still having 2.5 semesters to go, I must keep my chin up. I have to keep telling myself that I don’t need to allow these little things to annoy me when I have better things to focus on. I have to root out the real reason for the depression and get myself to see what I can control as I chant the Serenity Prayer. While deleting a tweet this morning, I saw myself as venting when that isn’t doing me any good. I simply need to rest a little, over the next few days, and regroup with positive vibes.
As I’m a bit peeved at myself, for not doing my best for the teacher and giving permission for people to tear into my confidence, I have to stop it. As my friend Bella tweeted to me, Snap out of it #cher. So, I’m snapping. If that means chocolate ice cream, a romance novel, and being lazy on the couch for one night then book my curvy rear a sofa cushion. It’s my future so I need to keep my subconscious on happy thoughts. If I keep wanting to bang my head on the wall then more analyzing is in order so I can conquer what ails me.
Anyone else suffer from this or have any techniques that they’d like to share? I’ll take any advice that I can get and see which ones work for my psyche.